Category Archives: Journal Entry

The Dance of the Night

Hush those feet

and still the beat

of those fears come out to play.

There’s no time! No, don’t delay.

If you wait

and slow your gait

oh, this time you’ll come to find

all those creatures in your mind.

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Gray Area, Singular

I don’t know how to start this but perhaps I should start by setting minds at ease. No, I don’t have cancer or other lesser known incurable illnesses, and yes, there’s something I can still do about it.

I had a doctor’s appointment today and beforehand I was super worked up and this time not the general “I hate doctor’s and doctor’s offices” kind of anxiety. I had been feeling off for a while now and suspected that I could possibly have diabetes and today that was confirmed. Well… sort of. My doctor called it a “gray area” because some doctors say that at this point a patient would definitely be diabetic, while other doctors — including mine — say that we are not quiiiteee diabetic but are “pre-diabetic.”*

Let me back it up a little bit. As a Pacific Islander, my risk of diabetes is higher, and I have a history of diabetes in my family. (Needless to say, I always hate when people who are about to chow down on something too sugary/unhealthy joke that they are having diabetes for dessert.) Today, we took an initial first test and while that got whisked off, my doctor and I were having our usual chat/check-up when another lady pops her head in and tells my doctor a number. We stopped talking about whatever it was we were talking about and my doctor says that I am “pre-diabetic.” There’s not much that I know about these things so I’m confused about the numbers at first, but those words put it into perspective.

It’s like they say, it’s one thing to know and another to hear it said out loud. This doesn’t change your life in any way, but it does mine. Using numbers, I can tell you that I am .2%* away from the official diagnoses for diabetes. Using words, my doctor said that I need to “Act like I’m diabetic. Eat like I’m diabetic, exercise like I’m diabetic, live like I’m diabetic.”

That’s for sure going to be hard. And so far, this post is the first that I’ve said about any of this, other than to my family. I’m not super psyched about being so public about it, but I wanted to make this an opportunity to make it known in some capacity so I would feel even more accountable to good behavior on my part and really living life like I am diabetic. Someone very close to me said that at one point they were told that they were “pre-diabetic” and that they were in denial about it for so long because they “didn’t want to have diabetes” and never did anything about it and now their numbers are off the charts. So far, I’m doing okay. The nurse brought in the diabetes kit and my doctor sent it away so I didn’t come home with one today. What this means for me though is a change of lifestyle and for sure, a kick in the behind.

Not coming home with a kit almost felt really great. It means that they’re not seeing proteins where there shouldn’t be proteins or any damage to any organs in my body. I said it “almost” felt really great because there’s still a lot I have to do on my end to really feel great about not having the kit. I’ve been prescribed diabetes school (which I didn’t realize existed) and sent home with lots of handouts on measures I need to be taking to make sure I don’t have to come home with that kit.

I’ve already starting making some of those changes this very evening and made this post to acknowledge and put to words what perhaps my mind can’t/won’t comprehend. Life changes are good sometimes and changing my lifestyle to combat diabetes is one of them if I make sure to stick to it.

This is as far as the gray area goes. What I do to make sure I’m in the clear is now black or white.

Thanks to those of you still reading my blog and keeping up with my sporadic posts. For those that know me and that read my blog, sorry I won’t necessarily get the chance to chat with each of you personally about this (or any other post for that matter) and I appreciate your discretion and sensitivity to the fact that I might not want to talk about these things in person/all the time.

*terms and stats are as accurate as they were described to me by my healthcare provider.


Love, Man

{I will post the funnier side of the doctor’s appointment at some point so we (and by we I mean I) are not so bogged down by heavier matters.}

A Little Tale of Friendship

 

Ladies.jpg
We’re a great group of friends. We love each other a lot. A lot a lot! These pictures were taken on a sunny, summer Sunday in the forest and in the meadows! It was such a beautiful day that you would never know from these pictures that the day ended with a slightly unexpected twist. We were almost in a very bad situation, but we were blessed with warnings and we were able to make it out of the forest safely. On this day, it became very clear to me that I had made the correct choices in friends. These are friends that I can rely on to kneel down with me in a moment of need, to say a prayer together. It has been one of the strongest examples of how wonderful our friendship is, of prayer, and of how much our love for one another is so great.

 

 

 

 

Somebody and a Quality

Pick somebody: my mom.
Quality: I lose track of time with her in the best way.

My favourite time spent with my mom has always been spent just talking. It doesn’t matter where.

Her in the driver’s seat, me riding shotgun; and later on, me in the driver’s seat and my mom riding shotgun.

In this country, or thousands of miles away on a little tropical, middle-of-nowhere island.

At a McDonald’s at 3am, or at a 3rd story apartment kitchen table at 3am.

My father was always shaking his head and saying “Go to bed, you have to be up in 2 hours!” “You done with that paper? Time for bed.” Then came the resigned words as this became a habit, “Don’t stay up too late..”

After being away from my mom for 3 months (quite the eternity for us) we got back into full swing last night, talking about life and love and trials and faith and direction. I could’ve sworn we were only chatting for 30 minutes but according to the clock, we were talking for 4 hours. I’ve forgotten how much I crave the time we lose together.

We like to give new, slightly different meaning to “burning the midnight oil.”

Oh my poor father. (;

Traveling

I know this is something a lot of people want to do, and at the risk of sounding cliché, I’m going to say it anyway: “I want to travel the world!”

I’m going to start out small. After all, I’m only a lowly 18-year-old who has…unsteady cash flow.

Saving money is hard!!! How do people do it? I’m working on figuring it out. I’ve already personally financed and enjoyed a cruise to Bermuda with my best friend, and I’m Florida-bound in 2 months (with said best friend) and it’s so rewarding!

Yeah, I’ve been other places but I wasn’t the one to solely pay my way to these places so I didn’t get the “YES! You’re here and you made it here on your own!” feeling of accomplishment. The feeling that says that by my own hard work, I made a small piece of my dream come true.

As I type, I’m on board a Greyhound bus headed to Salt Lake City, UT. It’s not glamorous, but I’m traveling cheap and still enjoying it. I’ll be passing through some places that I’ve always wanted to go even if I’ve never heard the names of these paces prior to looking at my itinerary—because I want to go everywhere, so every place I go counts!

I’ll start small and cheap and slowly save and expand and someday be so travel-savvy that my Facebook “Places” tab will be covered in red travel markers with many memories (and photos) attached to them, and have little pieces of the world available to feel and hear in my home because I literally have them at my fingertips. And mostly I want to learn new things, find more of myself, and love more people.

Here I come, world. Are you ready to be conquered?

Morning Thoughts

Sometimes people sneak up on you and stay longer than you expected them to stay. Sometimes they don’t stay as long as you’d like, but your life shows signs of them being there. This morning I’m thinking of M—. Not in a bad way and it’s definitely not as sad a thought as it could be. I still can’t believe our lives intersected but I can believe that I’m so lucky that they did. 

So I guess my conclusion is that we should love the people we have while we have them, because they can leave us in the most unexpected of ways… much like the very unexpected ways that they entered our lives in the first place.