How often do people dread the date on a calendar? Never in my life have I ever stopped to ask that question before. If I’ve dreaded a date, that’s what I did. I dreaded it. But like I said, I’ve never stopped to actually think about how often people dread a date on a calendar.
I’ve dreaded exam dates before. I’ve dreaded awkward and/or painful doctor’s appointments before. But this is the first time I’ve ever dreaded this date.
May 23rd. Last year, it fell on a Thursday, and I didn’t know any better. This year it falls on a Friday, and I wish it didn’t exist. If it didn’t exist, maybe the events that day would’ve never happened? It’s the date that one of my best friends left this earth. For almost a year now, anytime someone asks “What’s today’s date?” and it happens to be the 23rd, I always pause and go “It’s been (insert number) months since I last talked to him.” “It’s been (insert number) months since he’s smiled on this earth.”
I still wonder and I still don’t understand why he’s no longer here. I mean, I do. It was a car accident. It was bad. He died.
But…. I also just don’t get it. It’s something that I’ve had to think about a lot over the past 11+ months and I still have no answers.
There aren’t any guarantees that there will ever be any earthly answers to many of the questions I have, but I just hope that I’ll find more peace as I keep traveling in this life that is no longer his to be part of.